Ciao 2013! I hope you like photos!

My, my. I feel like I blinked and it was already December 31st! The past two months have flown by so quickly. Then again, this whole year has gone by so fast.

I swear this blog is NOT shutting down. I won't even mention the word hiatus. I owe you so many more thoughts, recipes, and ideas! Thank you all for sticking with me all this time.

With that being said, I decided to look back on the past twelve months. My initial thought was "2013?! Gone?! Good riddence!" I mean within one year, I almost risked losing my Father, was diagnoses with an in-curable disease, took a deep dive into depression, and lost three family pets. All this while struggling to keep my strength and energy. Needless to say, I first had nothing but bad thoughts about this past year.

I thought a few more seconds though and realized that's not how I want this year to end. I don't want any year to end with such negative energy. And surely none of you deserve reading a blog tainted with darkness. So, I began looking into what GOOD happened in 2013. Here's what I came up with:

Within the first few months of this year, I realized how important my Dad is to me. While I would never wish bad on his health, I am thankful that it forced me into accepting myself and my relationship with him. Watching his quick recovery as we began bonding again was icing on the cake! For the first time in a very long time, I spent a weekend full of giving thanks with my Father.

We even visited my Grandma Swanson. Don't they look great?!

Oh, I should also mention I shot a gun for the first time!... Still scared of them.

I have no idea who was foolish enough to think I should have a rifle.

I cannot begin to express my gratitude that I'm given more time on this earth with my Dad. I'm also awe struck of my family's strength and my friends' love. I even learned there are a lot of people out there who know me more than I know myself. It's been a very humbling experience.

If there's any needed proof that I am related to my family, it's that I now have ulcerated colitis. My first initial reaction to the diagnosis was to fiercely scream at some higher power for awful timing. "Incurable" is such a disgusting word. The thought of taking pills for the rest of my life and praying for remission is so daunting. I have to be honest with myself though. I have four immediate family members that have some form of IBD, including two with ulcerated colitis. So we all knew there was a risk. In fact I'm lucky that I've lived as long as I have without it. Other family members were diagnoses with it in their teens... and had to have surgery. Thankfully that was decades ago and I can take full advantage of modern medical advancements!

... If you couldn't tell, I've had to work really hard on convincing myself there is some good in that.

I can't quite explain how or why it happened, but something snapped halfway through the year. I greatly doubted my capabilities and became unhappy with my life. I quickly turned to beat myself up because really, what do I have to be depressed about? That creates an awful cycle though. I'm thankful for this challenge because it forced me into figuring out why I was unhappy. Today I cannot quite say exactly what made me so upset, but I am pleased with what happened when I searched to find it.

Frankly, due to certain actions (including my own) I didn't think I did a very good job producing. And that turned into dreading work. Thanks to a summer class and good friends, I identified my strengths and weaknesses. Then through a lot of work (and heartbreak) I strove to change those weaknesses. While I still have a way to go, (you learn something new every day) I've improved through out the past few months. Also due to my producer class, I learned I wasn't alone and developed a great network of colleagues.

Thanks Poynter Producer Project! You all rock!

When you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up. I got to a point that I had to address certain relationship at work. Which for me, is a difficult struggle. I hate conflict. I'm also awful at responding to negative statements, even if it is constructional criticism. So, I made the mistake of turning my head downward and not saying anything at all. But, as I said, I got to a point where there was no where else to go. I also realized that if I say nothing, I never allow anyone to better understand "my side." So I took awhile to "predict" the conversation and began tackling those relationships. Mind you I said bad relationships. I have great coworkers. I couldn't ask for better coworkers. Our relationships just needed to be adjusted. I personally just let it get to such a tragic point. Months later, I can say I'm pleased by the outcome! Not only do I have a better connection with those colleagues, but I've gained invaluable lessons. I learned that as long as you handle an issue with grace and professionalism, there's no excuse to not confront it. I also learned a lot about certain coworkers and believe they know me better as well.

Quick shout out: I couldn't of done any of this without my great friend Heather (Right). AND who better to learn about the management of a newsroom than THE Patti Dennis From KUSA?!

That leaves one last chip on the shoulder. Both my husband and I lost the last of our childhood pets: the immortal felines. Lawson's family cat, Sasha, and my two cats Whoopi & Chopin needed help to reach their eternal slumber this year. All three were old and very sick. In our families, pets are family, so it was very difficult to say goodbye. All three had great lives though. We also saved them from a lot of pain. We also have the faith that they now get to be with the other animals they grew up with.  Never the less I already miss their smooth fur, soft purrs, and sweet companionship. They all have a place in my heart. I miss them dearly.

So there it is. The worst parts of my 2013. It brought a lot of challenges. And yet I couldn't be more thankful for the end results. I haven't even gotten into the best parts of my 2013. Needless to say it involved a lot of train rides...

I took more train rides this year than in my entire life.

And a lot of car rides...

And even some flights!

I saw so many amazing people that I love dearly!

There's too many photos to share- so here's cute one of Lawson & me!

I got to see some unbelievable sites.

Not sure which is more breath-taking: So. IL Garden of the Gods or that Dad recovered so well that he came to see it with me.

I even traveled in time with a best friend!

Oh yeah, we're that cool.

And that's just skimming the surface! There were so many good things that happened in 2013. This has truly been an inspiring year.  I can honestly say I have no regrets.

Yet another blessing I can hang my hat on? All of you! I'm ever so grateful that you all have hung in for this sporadic roller coaster that I call my life. I don't know how we did it but Limelight Musings has more than 7,500 views from all over the world! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

So... how do you plan to remember 2013?

Apparently I Don't Like to be Home

I mentioned it a few weeks ago, but I really am sorry that there's been a lack of post here. Now there's a different reason... a few really. Frankly, I have't spent much time at home much less to write a blog that's worth your time. What have I been doing you ask? Well, here's what I've been up to...

Let's begin in mid-June. We began this summer of chaos by going to my husband's hometown of Louisville, Kentucky. There we celebrated with family and friends the union of my beautiful sister-in-law and her husband. Congratulations again to the happy couple!

Big brother & little sister!

That weekend flew by way too fast! We had such a splendid time with loved ones and enjoyed a beautiful scenery along the Ohio River.

Oh look, a duck on a dock.

Before we knew it, it was July. Well, you already know we spent the Fourth of July with my Mom...

Fourth of July with the Appels!

Then the week after that I spent some time with doctors to figure out what sort of mystery illness I contracted. It actually wasn't until August that they told me they believe I have ulcerative colitis. During that time I also lost a toenail and broke out in a kind of rash my doctor has never seen before. I'm falling apart. Needless to say, there's no need to share photos of any of that business.

By mid-July we had another a wedding to celebrate; but this time it was much farther away: South Carolina! We really pushed ourselves on this trip. We left Friday afternoon and got back Sunday night. Within 57 hours we traveled nearly 1,500 miles!

A very long, but beautiful drive.

The trip was exhausting, but well worth it! I haven't seen my Godparents in years! It meant even more to see my Mom smiling and laughing with old friends.

Wedding Stop #2

 Thankfully, we were able to squeeze in one stunning pit stop...

Down by the Sea....

We took off a weekend before heading out east again. It was an easier journey though. We had more time to go a shorter distance: near Atlanta, Georgia! It's been more than two years since I've seen my cousins. It meant the world to me to see them and new additions to the Moses family!

Sadly this is the best photo taken. We were too busy splashing around!

It wouldn't be a normal trip if we didn't stop at least one site. This time we visited the Chickamauga & Chattanooga Military Park. I'm sure it's not surprising to know that my husband & I try to make seeing Civil War sites "our thing." We are nerds to the core.

I pity anything that attempts to get in our way!

Jokes aside, I love touring these kind of sites. We always learn something new about our nation's history. It also very eerie to stand on land where thousands of men died 150 years ago. I can't help but lose myself in wondering about their lives, their families, their beliefs, etc. I can't even fathom how much has changed along with what has not.

After taking one more (and very necessary) weekend off, I prepared for my next adventure. During most of this time, I've also participated in a class that's geared to improve my skills at work. Most of it has been online, but it included a weekend trip to St. Petersburg, Florida. It was intense and inspiring all at the same time. Two lovely ladies joined me on this ride.

The three of us with our instructor, Al Tompkins

I didn't get very close to the ocean this time though...

I was able to stretch my toe into the marina

As soon as we got back I celebrated one of my best friend's birthday!

Happy Birthday, Ashley!

And finally we're here. Mid August. It's been a few crazy weeks that involve great times with loved ones and more driving than any one person should ever do. NO one should ever drive by Nashville six times within one month.

We're starting to get a little tired of seeing this view

Surprisingly, I was able to sneak in a few crafts...

Tried out a new "faux plaid" pattern

Along with some great recipes that I can wait to share with you in the next few weeks!

Easy & Delicious Shepherds pie!

I have a few more journeys coming up, but they are more spaced out in comparison. So blogs may or may not be scarce. Thank you guys for being so patient. There is one thing you can count on though: I will always make it worth your time.

Following My Ancestor's Steps

So, I'm going to over look the awkward fact that it's been awhile. If it means anything, I feel bad that it took me this long to write about a fantastic journey I recently took with my Mother. We cool? Hope so.

Now that we've got that out of the way, if you're an avid reader than you already know I've been working on my family ancestry for years. I'll get a few breaks then things that "matter" get in the way. Then something kicks me back into it and there I am fully immersed again.

Well, this time I cam blame it on my Mother.

During Memorial Day weekend, my Mom visited us like she often does during the holidays. This time, we decided that we could try something new and take a small drive to the area where her mother (my grandmother) was born and raised. Surprisingly we're closer to it now then when I was a kid.

We packed up the car and headed into Illinois. Needless to say Southern Illinois is quite different than the Central Illinois that I know.

Central Illinois: Windfarms = 5 Point Bonus

Southern Illinois. It's amazing that both are in the same state!

Instead of driving to a smooth horizon that appears to never end you get to travel up and down beautiful rolling hills. Instead of endless soy bean and corn fields, you witness heavily forest areas and even some wetlands. The beauty of our trip to White County, Illinois, is that we enjoyed both. See, you travel through the Shawnee National Forest before you get to the southern tip of Illinois' heartland. This is mostly thanks to a series of glaciers, but that's for another time.

The point is you drive through some hills, get lost, then drive through those same hills, before turning into some farmland and you get to a little town called Enfield, Illinois.

Yep, Enfield. Home of Mule Day. At one point of time, my fourth great Grandfather lived here. Had his his children here. Died here. His death was almost 40 years before the American Civil War. I'm astonished to find how deep my family's roots run in America much less Illinois.

My oldest ancestor of Enfield

The one thing that crossed my mind as I drove through these hill and farmland is how Joshua Fields got to Enfield. And his children. There's also the families his children married into. Take the Adams and Marlins who also settled in White County, Illinois.

Rachel Graham Marlin, my fourth great Grandmother

It is believed that the Marlins & Adams (like several American pioneer families) traveled from the East Coast "out west" together with several other families. It appears both families were very close since three Adams married three Marlins, including my ancestors. Several members from both sides decided to leave Chester County, South Carolina sometime after 1847 to the "western frontier." One can imagine the tough journey in the mid 1800's to get through the smokey mountains, across Tennessee and Kentucky before getting into Southern Illinois. One family story states that White County isn't where the Marlins & Admas intended to stay, but that's where "they hit rock bottom. They didn't much like the cold climate and might have settled elsewhere had they possessed the means, instead they made the most of the hand they were dealt, worked hard, and soon prospered on the Illinois frontier." Not only did they prosper, but their descendants stayed in White County for three generations until my Grandmother Dorothy Fields "left the farm" to go to college, became a teacher, and fell in love with my Grandfather. They got married, had children and settled in Shelbyville, Illinois. The rest, my friends, is history.

My Grandmother with her daughter (my Mom) in Shelbyville, IL

I don't mean to sound egotistical, but this is only three families who made my existence possible. There are so many others including the Moses, Griffiths, and Scovills (which appear to be in America the longest) along with Swansons, Wingates, and many more! So many people unknowingly fought all odds not only to live, but have children who led to a brighter future. That's our history as human civilization.

The beauty is that it's not over yet. We are only in the middle of the greatest story ever told. There are so many more generations to go. The real question is how will our decedents remember us? Will then travel through mountains and plains to visit our graves? Attempting to comprehend what kind of life we lived? Only time will tell.

For A Cause

Needless to say Dad has given us a cause to donate what we can in hopes to save lives. That includes me joining the National Bone Marrow Registration! You can too! Just hop onto www.marrow.org!

A Daddy's Girl

I've grown to have such mixed feelings over that phrase.

I'm sure you've noticed the lack of activity going on here. It's been a difficult month. There's an even more difficult battle in my heart on what to share with the world. As a professional writer, I constantly broadcast the stories of people I don't even know. However anyone could tell you it's quite different when it comes to publicizing your own personal life... much less that of a loved one. But the more I think about it, the more I want to share my love for my family. And I can only hope those involved understand.

With that being said, many of you know that I am an only child. I now have two great step-siblings, but for the first 10+ years of my life, it was just me, my Mom, and my Dad. Just us three. I don't remember too much of my childhood, but from what I can recall, I thought life was pretty perfect. So, you know, I was a typical spoiled brat who thought our family was perfect the way it was.

My Father & I in pure 90's fashion

Most of the memories I do have is thanks to literally books filled with photos that my Mother still has at home. There's moments caught in time of our numerous family vacations, school events, and other entertaining outings. These pristine photos of us smiling and laughing instill this child-like print on my heart that I thought our family was, and would remain, perfectly intact.

"Hello, Snowface!"

Like most children though, I really didn't understand the world. Honestly, I still don't understand everything, including my parent's divorce. It's been about 15 years since my parents told me they would be separated and it is still a pretty sore subject. There's been a lot of hurtful words and actions during those years. Most of it coming from me never really adjusting to the fact my parents "grew apart." I somehow convinced myself that my Father left me & Mom... and wanted nothing to do with me.

Looking back & hearing stories of my teen years helped me realize that fact was entirely a figment of my imagination. I had a lot of uncalled for anger towards my Dad. Especially after he remarried & took in a girl my age into his home. I care a lot about my step mother and sister, but let's face it, I was incredibly jealous. I was also self-centered. I can't recall all the occasions where I claimed my Dad disowned me, but it was incorrect and an inappropriate attack towards a man who tried his best to care for his family the best he could.

 That appears to be a recurring theme as I grew older. Between that and a few other issues, I became very bitter and built a wall to cut off anyone who cared for me. It took meeting my future husband to really tackle all my burdens. After that I began an attempt to patch things up with my Dad. I tried to "prove" my worth to my parents through accomplishments. I cannot tell you how many times my parents told me how proud they were of me, but it was never enough. It never secured some loose ends that appeared to never go away.

Dad & me at my college graduation in 2008.

I want to say there were several occasions as a child and adult where Dad wasn't there when I thought I needed him. It was mostly school games and events when I was younger and postponed outings when I was an adult. Of course he had just reasons being either his work or his health. The inner only child in me however would throw a ridiculous tantrum as I logically attempted to find some kind of resolution. I have a small problem of self-analyzing my "issues," especially when it comes to my relationship with Dad. The only solution I could find back then was to be distant. So there's been a few years where I really didn't work to stay connected with my Dad. There would be months of no connection. I withdrew and stopped trying. And that's what close friends see these days.

My Aunt, Father, Grandmother & Me. We only saw each other 2-3 times a year.

But that recently changed. Last month I noticed I had not spoken with Dad in a few weeks. It's nothing new, so I just shrugged it off for a couple days. But then I received an early morning message from an old friend who is now a nurse at my hometown hospital. It stated Dad was in the hospital with pneumonia. At first I didn't think too much of it. He's had a few health issues in recent years and he's in good hands. However I then called him and his voice indicated that this isn't a normal situation. I also found out that he was incredibly anemic. So this month-long ordeal began with me taking a quick trip to my hometown. I had no idea that it would be the start of more emergency trips to come.

A very long story short, we eventually found out that Dad had acute myeloid leukemia also known as AML. That made it incredibly difficult for his body to fight off his infection. He was eventually given a breathing tube and placed in a medically induced coma. During that time he had quite a few complications and had some critical moments. There was even a night we didn't know if he would make it. Thankfully by this time he was in a hospital in Chicago and had amazing care. And he fought. Sure he was in a deep slumber, but he fought tooth and nail to get better. Slowly the machines keeping him alive could be removed. First a nitric oxide machine... then a few IV's... then one of our biggest moments: the ventilator. We were nervous at first. They tried removing the breathing tube before and it did not go well. But this time we took our time & he received some extra medications. He's now been strongly breathing on his own for five days! He's getting healthier too. We now await for him to "wake up" from his medically induced coma. Since he was down for about two weeks, it's taking a long time for the sedatives to get out of his system. But I'm writing this on the day a nurse tells me that he's starting to follow simple commands! He will soon receive treatment needed to remove the AML. His doctors sound very confident that he will soon be in remission!

This whole ordeal taught us to take small steps and celebrate what we are given. It's also gotten me to really think about my relationship with my Father. I took three sudden trips to see him in three different hospitals. During those times I stayed as long as I could. I held his hand, spoke with him, sang to him, and rubbed lotion on his hands. My Dad may not have done much during these visits, but those long hours allowed him to break down the walls I built to keep him out of my heart. My family also helped me realize how important I am to him. I don't know why it took all of this to have those words finally sink in: "my Dad loves me." And that love is absolute. It may not be the glamorous relationship you see in the movies, but I adore my Father and I mean the world to him. I'm a Daddy's girl in my own way.

I also discovered my own faults. My Dad never left me but I pushed him away again and again. For so long I wanted him to accept me but I never accepted his way of showing he loved me. I'll admit there was a moment I cried, begging for him to forgive me & for God to allow me to repair the mess I've caused. Thankfully it appears I will have more time with my Superman of a Father.

Dad, this photo is in hope that you not only beat that nasty AML, but you'll be well enough to read this soon. I love you so much. I cannot wait for you to heal & playfully (I hope) scold me for writing this.

If you'd like to keep up with my Father's progress or sign the guestbook for him & my family, here's a link to his caring bridge page.

Hey... you?

So it's been awhile. I get that. BUT at least I have a few reasons as to why I've been lacking on the blog posts. It's mostly because we've been super busy. I know I say that a lot, but I really mean it this time. In case you don't believe me, here's a timeline of what we've been up to for the past two weeks...

So on my first week off, we took a trip back up to Central Illinois to see my beautiful friends & family. Even though we gave ourselves a couple extra days, it never seems to be enough.

My Aunt, Dad, Grandmother & myself

Speaking of family, I was able to catch up with Mom and get a few more family stories & photos. I've had to put my work on ancestry.com on hold for now, but information is still coming in. For the first time, I found a photo of my mother when she was younger with all of her siblings and both of her parents.

I know I've said it before, but I really can't get enough of these families photos. It doesn't matter if it's my mom, dad, or even my husband's sides, I love them all. I imagine these snapshots are itty bitty glimpses of a better time. The stories too. Can't. Get. Enough.

But enough about that. Needless to say when we were in central Illinois, we drove. A lot.

Visited Pontiac, Streator, Peoria, Lexington & Bloomington-Normal

Loved seeing even more wind farms being built near my hometown

And I even got to see my friend's beautiful bunny for the first time

It was a very fast lovely yet exhausting four days. But we had a lot of fun. And within just a few days after that, one of my best friends in Central Illinois started the process of moving to Western Kentucky. She even works with me at the station & is starting to fit right in. But I'm not surprised since we worked so well together back in Illinois. And we are so happy to have her here now.

Toasting to her first day at her new job

So we are helping her (and soon her husband) move & adjust to their new life down here- like rental searching, moving, even a little shopping. And my beautiful new best friends in Kentucky know how to welcome a new bud in style. It's a bit of my past clashing with the present.

Ashley, myself & Heather- Hopefully more similar photos to come

And if you couldn't tell from the photo above, I got a bit of a dye job. It was part of a lovely ladies' night at our loving abode last week. After dyeing part of my hair purple for domestic abuse awareness month last October, I haven't done much. Needed a change.

Heather being oh so helpful at getting my hair back to one color

Speaking of ladies' night, this last weekend I was lucky enough to be invited to the bridal shower/bachelorette party for a dear friend that I went to school with and worked with back in Central Illinois. I can't wait for her wedding in a few weeks. The couple's been dating for YEARS. I'm so happy for them. But first, some shenanigans.

Having a beautiful time with a beautiful bride to be

 The party was in St. Louis. It was a blast, but once again, it meant a lot of driving. It's getting tiring, but I enjoyed seeing parts of Southern Illinois that I'm not familiar with.

The Mississippi River being super low in Chester, IL

And what's a trip to Southern Illinois without- guess it- a winery stop. Met up with some lovely girlfriends at our favorite vineyard- Blue Sky.

White sangria, fused olive oil, tasty bread...

So after all of these fun events I wrapped up the past two weeks the best way possible: making a new batch of liquid laundry detergent.

Soapy cleanness in all its lemony glory

So it's been a crazy two weeks, but we're having lot of fun. And there's a lot more excitement coming up- two weddings, more moving business, a local charity... not to mention work. I hope to update & expand on here as much as possible soon. I'd also like to clean up some of the old post- like my laundry detergent recipe. We will see how soon that all happens... Thanks for sticking with me, gang.